This article has been transcribed from a copy of the Cardiff Times in the online collection of scanned Welsh newspapers 1804-1919 in the National Library of Wales, with grateful recognition of the free access accorded to all readers. Paragraph breaks have been introduced for easier reading.
Volapük was a constructed language created in 1879 and 1880 by Johann Martin Schleyer, a Roman Catholic priest in Baden, Germany. Samuel refers to two popular hymns, ‘In the sweet by and by’ and ‘From Greenland's icy mountains’, but in a rare political moment, states his preference for the anti-tithe song, ‘The Ballyhooly Races’, and anticipates his more direct reference to the issue of tithes in no. 97 (3d August 1889) and no.65 (1st December 1888). – David Skilton
Fancy sketch of the originator of Volapuk.
‘Well met I'good sooth and by my halidame, well met! Good morrow, fair sir; i' faith, I greet ye right gladly."’Such, sir, I believe, is the way a person would welcome a friend in the England of the olden time. In the England of the future two friendly Britishers on meeting will probably rub noses and remark, ‘Ab bok sic dab eb nopp hi cockee!’ I won't vouch for the accuracy of the verbiage just quoted, but, judging from the specimens of Volapuk I have so far seen in print I make bold to believe that the pretty sentence I have written down will not be far off the mark. To you, sir, I need not explain the meaning of the word Volapuk. You are doubtless by this time a proficient in the new tongue, and can upon occasion sort out choice examples of it with readiness and vivacity. These you will, of course, use to fire at the devoted head of the P. D. [printer’s devil or apprentice] when be happens clumsily to have made ‘pie’ of some particularly happy literary effort of your own, or to hurl with indignation at the stereotyper when that individual has, in excess of zeal in his employment, planed off say about half of the Sentiments of your Samuel, and so hindered you from going to press with that punctuality you so praiseworthily insist upon.
But lest some your readers, enlightened a constituency though they naturally must be, have not yet travelled so far in learning as yourself, let me explain that Volapuk is the name of the new universal language which is presently to be spoken by the whole world. A foreign gentleman whose name I can't spell, and couldn't pronounce, however well I might be able to write it, is the originator of Volapuk, and it is, I am given to understand, a very handsome, serviceable lingo, which will keep in any climate and is warranted not to shrink. The method which has been pursued in concocting it appears to be singularly effective, and likely to be productive of capital results. This seems to be somewhat the manner in which it is made. First you take a little dab of Arabic, add to this a chunk of Japanese, a little Polish, several sprigs of Russian patois, a sprinkling of Zulu, and a dose of Choctaw. Stir these up well and flavour with a few touches of Spanish, Greek, Italian, French, and Chippeway. Now, proceed to place with the foregoing particles of Dutch, Romany, Chinese, Egyptian, Celtish, Danish, and Welsh; season the whole with a little shorthand, dilute with two gallons of good strong German, and simmer down to three pints. Then cut the lot up into suitable pieces and serve in grammar and dictionary, and there you are, you know. All that then remains to be done is to get people to swallow it, and the thing becomes an accomplished blessing. It is not quite the rage at present, but as it promises to be largely taken up in the sweet bye and bye.
Won’t it rather bother the postman [?]
I have thought it well to put your readers in possession of the facts so far as I have been able to ascertain them. Several important business houses on the Continent and otherwise abroad have started the linguistic ball a-rolling by announcing their intention to make use of the new language after a certain definite date, and therefore it would be well for all to whom the matter may be of any importance to be made fully aware of what is coming about. Know, therefore, all ye whom it may concern, that if amongst your correspondence from foreign parts you receive a communication which at first sight would appear to be a copy of an ode in Welsh – [Welshmen must pardon Samuel; he is a monoglot Saxon.-ED] -- like a Welsh ode which has been run through a sausage-machine after being written, know, I say, that you have struck a nugget of genuine Volapuk, and rejoice accordingly.
The coming speaker of the new language.
With the enthusiastic devotion to the needs, and anxious desire for the advancement, of man of which you, sir, are so fully cognizant, I recently procured books from which I might acquire the new language, and set myself to work with much diligence and assiduity to recite the various lessons they contained. It is said to be a mighty sort of language to learn, and excessively pleasant to speak. It may be. All I know about it is that after a few hours chattering over the disjointed syllables I found laid down in the books, I felt painful premonitory symptoms of lockjaw setting in. I therefore immediately dropped the study I had commenced with such ardour. For the present – until the robins nest again, say – I am not taking any Volapuk. I shall contrive to worry along with a little Scotch (with warm water, sugar and lemon), as of yore. By the way, sir, should you yourself find Volapuk tend lockjaw-wards, let me give you the tip that you will find Scotch (with the addition of the ingredients already alluded to) an excellent antidote. Failing Scotch, try Irish.
But I am not going to part with the books on Volapuk. I intend to make them come in useful. You see, sir, Volapuk is the language of the future, and I intend that our youngest (Jubilee Jane, you know, to whom you stood godfather, which reminds me that you have not yet ‘stood’ the silver mug which generally accompanies such a baptismal undertaking), I intend, I say, that our youngest shall begin to lisp the language from the first. I rather fancy that ‘Ride-a-cock horse,’ ‘Little Miss Moffet[‘], ‘Hush-a-bye baby,’ and such simple vocal trifles will sound rather refined in Volapuk. Nor is that all. I shall teach the language, sir. I am aware that I possess scant knowledge of it, but you are doubtless fully acquainted with the fact that ignorance of foreign languages does not prevent professors of them from teaching the same. I have ordered a brass plate bearing the following inscription: But I am not going to part with the books on Volapuk. I intend to make them come in useful. You see, sir, Volapuk is the language of the future, and I intend that our youngest (Jubilee Jane, you know, to whom you stood godfather, which reminds me that you have not yet "stood" the silver mug which generally accompanies such a baptismal undertaking), I intend, I say, that our youngest shall begin to lisp the language from the first. I rather fancy that “Ride-a-cock horse," “Little Miss Moffet[“], “Hush-a-bye baby," and such simple vocal trifles will sound rather refined in Volapuk. Nor is that all. I shall teach the language, sir. I am aware that I possess scant knowledge of it, but you are doubtless fully acquainted with the fact that ignorance of foreign languages does not prevent professors of them from teaching the same. I have ordered a brass plate bearing the following inscription:—
I have asked the engraver to send the bill in to you; doubtless you will attend to it, sir; thanking you for your many kindnesses, &e.
A commercial transaction.
As I have said, Volapuk is to become the great medium of conversation and correspondence for the conduct of commerce. You will, therefore, fully appreciate the importance of that language being forthwith acquired by the rising generation. It would, you will admit, be awkward for a person who happened to want a rasher of bacon, a paper of pins, a pint of porter, a small whiskey [sic], or half-an-ounce of tobacco, or any other similar commercial article, if he couldn't negotiate the transaction in good sound Volapuk. Therefore, sir, for the man who first commences teaching it broadcast there is a fortune in store. The time is not far distant when it will also become the language of the stage, then can dramatic and operatic, and even burlesque and pantomime, companies roam the wide world o'er, giving their performances in Volapuk to appreciative audiences from Greenland's icy mountains to Afric’s sunny plains.[i] Operatic lyrics will sound well in it doubtless, and so will comic songs. I should like to hear Ballyhool[e]y done in melodious Volapuk. And methinks there's coin in it too, sir, and I'm going in for it. I have been forestalled at
Last modified 26 January 2022